It's All About Perspective...

So not too long ago, while listening to random music
on my Sansa Fuse [because I can't afford an iPod],
a song came on, one that I've heard a number of times.
But this time around, the words really just struck a chord with me.

It wasn't an inspirational or religious song or anything like that...
but a song from of all things,
the musical episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer,
'Once More With Feeling'.


Going Through The Motions

Buffy:
Every single night, the same arrangement,
I go out and fight the fight.
Still I always feel this strange estrangement,
Nothing here is real, nothing here is right.

I've been making shows of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.

I was always brave and kind of righteous,
Now I find I'm wavering.
Crawl out of your grave, ya find this fight
Just doesn't mean a thing

Henchman:
She ain't got that swing.

Buffy:
Thanks for noticing.

Demon & Henchmen:
She does pretty well with fiends from Hell
But lately we can tell
That she's just going through the motions
Faking it somehow.

Demon:
She's not even half the girl she...owww!

Buffy:
Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.

Handsome Young Man:
How can I repay...

Buffy:
Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can't even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be alive


All of a sudden, something just clicked.
An epiphany.
I realized that I had been 'going through the motions'
in my life for quite some time.

Sure, by all appearances I seemed to be on the right path,
doing the things that I should be doing and all that...
but now looking back, with this new perspective,
I realized that the path I was on was just going around in circles,
so I wasn't really going anywhere....
no progress.

Just hoping no one knows
That I've been going through the motions,
Walking though the part,
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart.

My life seemed like a routine.
Sure, there were moments when I felt something,
but for the most part, it just felt like the same old thing, day in and day out.
Something was missing...

Will I stay this way forever?
Sleepwalk through my life's endeavor.

I realized this was exactly how I felt about this time in my life.
Am I just going to sleepwalk through my life any longer than I have?
Am I going to let all the doubts, fears and disappointments
continue to have control over my life?
NO!!!

Whatever!
I don't want to be
Going through the motions,
Losing all my drive.
I can't even see
If this is really me
And I just want to be alive

I don't want to be 'going through the motions' ever again!
It saddens me how long it took me to gain this perspective,
but there's a rhyme and a reason for everything, right?
I know that even though my 'former self' isn't really me,
I needed to experience that in order to be the me I am today.

And even though my life may not necessarily be going the way I'd fantasize it to be...
[The house with a white picket fence, handsome husband, adorable children, etc.]
I can make the best of what I've got...and strive to make it even better.
Because I want to live this life the best I can and fulfill my true purpose in this life.