BWG - Serial Killer DVR

Prompt of the week:

You are a serial killer. What TV shows are on your DVR list? Why?

So I may not be your typical everyday Joe,
seeing as how I go around killing people and all,

but that doesn’t mean I don’t find pleasure from
other means of entertainment, as well.

For example, I enjoy watching TV just as much as anyone else…

although for completely different reasons.

On Monday nights, four glorious hours on my DVR are reserved for episodes of LOST.

I mean, c’mon, that show has EVERYTHING!

From knife throwing, gun shooting, hanging, torturing, good old fashioned fist fights, 

what’s not to like?

I must admit, I take particular pleasure in viewing the numerous beatings 

Ben Linus sustains. [Although personally, I would have gotten the job done long ago,
if you know what I mean.]

And then there’s that killing machine known as the ‘smoke monster’.

Man, I gotta get me one of those! 

What it did to the pilot? An inspiration!

I’m a little late to the party; I didn’t watch when it originally aired, 

so if you tell me ANY spoilers, I’ll kill you!  

[Think I’m kidding?]

And, okay, I’ll admit I am a bit of a sucker for Desmond and Penny. 

I’m really rooting for those two!

[I may be a cold blooded killer, but I still have a heart.]

And so help me, if this show ends with all the characters being dead 

and coming together in some sort of heaven,

HEADS WILL ROLL!!! 

When I want to feel especially riled up and ready for a kill, 

I set my DVR for what I’m sure most would view as 

out-of-the-ordinary programs for a serial killer. 

But believe me; nothing gets my blood boiling more than Barney & Friends!

Ladies and gentlemen, if this is what dinosaurs were really like, 

then look no further for the reason of their extinction! 

[And I would love the pleasure of keeping it that way and 

putting an end to this big purple freak show!]

A close second, is Dora the Explorer. It’s like nails on a chalkboard!  

I’d definitely enjoy taking a swipe at Swiper!

In fact, one of my more famous kills happened after watching 

an especially annoying episode of Dora the Explorer. 

[It was all over the news and the Internet, so I'm sure you heard all about it!]

I’m sure most people would assume that I DVR that show, Dexter….but I don’t.  

[He’s such a loser!]

Believe it or not, but I do set the DVR to record a few of the numerous
police/crime dramas that seem to plague just about every channel these days.

I find Bones and Castle to be particularly enjoyable.

I mainly watch as an ego boost, since discovering that so many 

of the storylines are eerily similar to my own dastardly handiwork.   

Although, I do get upset when the character that they are undoubtedly 

basing on me, is portrayed by an actor who I consider being unworthy of the role. 

[Read: unattractive]

Even a psychopath enjoys a good joke, so when I need a good laugh, 

I DVR episodes of The Office.

I especially enjoy the many pranks that Jim plays on Dwight. 

[If that was me however, one of those pranks would have ended 

in the death of Dwight years ago!]  

Oh, and Michael Scott! How I would take pleasure in killing him, 

as payback for all his countless lame attempts to be what he considers 'cool.' 

I’m sure Toby would make a wonderful, if somewhat unwilling 

accomplice in fulfilling this maniacal fantasy! 

I would bring death to The Office drones via the very things they love the most. 

Which means Kelly and Ryan’s deaths would likely appear to be a double suicide. 

Cookies will be the death of Kevin....cookies laced with arsenic.

Angela meets her maker due to a mysterious accident involving her beloved cats.

Andy would meet a tragic fate at a mosh pit at an a cappella music show!

Oscar dies from a brain injury caused by falling reams of paper. [How ironic!]

Stanley would suffer a heart attack in bed with his 28 year old mistress.

Phyllis would be crushed by a falling refrigerator. [from Vance Refrigeration, no less!]  

Not touching Creed or Meredith…who knows where they’ve been!   

Jim and Pam would also survive my Office killing spree….for now anyway.

I can’t help but root for those crazy lovebirds 

after all they went through to finally be together.

So, I’ll let them enjoy a few years of happiness before I make my move…

perhaps through a prank.

And yes, I know these are all fictional characters…I’m not crazy…just a serial killer!

Disclaimer:
The views and comments made do not necessarily
reflect those of the author or random ramblings.
I may be a cereal killer, but not a serial killer!

Also, I've watched LOST from the very beginning
and was not upset by the ending, unlike most others.

[Others...get it?]